Empathy is seen as a weakness by those that don't understand its power.
Contracts between humans (monetary, cooperative, social) have a tendency to longevity if they are mutually beneficial. This includes mutual treatment and execution of ongoing contracts.
Renegotiation of a new contract (employee, provider, client, friend, coach, student) is very expensive (finding, convincing, converging, maintaining). Ergo more empathetical contracts will have a strong correlation with stickiness across the entire human society.
And most of the time it doesn't even cost anything. It just takes some "human intelligence" to understand the drivers, incentives and values of each other, and then, built on this empathic knowledge maximising the impact.
Again, Empathy is seen as a weakness by those that don't understand its power or are strategically nearsighted.
This is a solid take, Daniel. You’ve reframed empathy in the language of systems and contracts, which I think is what’s needed to bring it into boardrooms and leadership strategy. The irony is that we label empathy ‘soft’ when, as you point out, it’s foundational to every form of durable collaboration. It's more like strategic foresight.
I like how you contrast this with control, making clear the motives behind the lame critique.
What if we saw empathy as being like chlorophyll, which amazingly "eats light" in photosynthesis and nourishes not just plants and trees but makes the evolution of us possible? Empathy feeds life in a generative process that is not "strong" in traditional modes of that word, but is a deeper strength. Thanks for this Thursday gift!
I like it when writers create a little series structure within their publication. 2 cents and a lime is a tasty example. Well done, Neela!
I think "empathy" is one of those shrinky weasel words that confuses more than enlightens. We would do better to stick with good words like kindness, understanding and compassion. Everybody knows what those words mean and look like in behavior.
Thanks, Baird! I love a good metaphor, so I’ll take ‘tasty’ any day. You’ve got a point that ‘empathy’ can feel vague, especially when it’s thrown around without grounding.
Ultimately, behavior is what matters most.
I am trying to be mindful about what I ask of people here, plus writing two articles per week can be difficult sometimes lol
Love this short format. Agree with your view entirely. I was raised in typical male fashion where empathy was not a thing. Life, work and a house full of female perspectives has changed this in a good way. But empathy adds a lair of understanding and complexity which is essential with human beans. And Jim Camp a top negotiator who advised the FBI says that all decisions are based on emotion there are no logical decisions. Keep up the good work Neela.
Thank you, John! And yes, human 'beans' are anything but simple legumes. 😉
Love that you brought up Jim Camp. It deepens the conversation on what we consider ‘rational.’ Empathy doesn’t complicate decisions but clarifies why we make them.
I am in awe of how well you put so many things that a lot of us have felt and lived. Loved it! I am a beginner to online writing and I am looking up to you 💙
I don’t like that advice. I love long form content and it is one of the reasons why I gave up on LinkedIn because people there don’t like reading and I refuse to water down my content 😂😂😂
On one hand, I'm glad that I have no idea what Elon said. It means my plan to avoid headlines and social media platforms is working. I have no idea. That said, I'm a little concerned that my response to this will sound like a dog whistle or some kind of signal. Uh, no. Not. Doing that.
Don't know if we've discussed or not, Neela, but I found Paul Bloom's book on empathy profound. It seems like a book against empathy, but that's just provocative marketing. Bloom argues for empathy as a template of sorts, but pushes harder for compassion. This, he argues, is what we really want from empathy.
But to get to the good stuff, as I understand it, we have to first experience empathy, and it's only experienced intimately.
Social Media is wild, and not knowing what Elon said might be the purest form of peace in 202. My clients love talking politics, and sometimes I cannot shut them up lol
We have discussed this briefly before.
This is how that Elon conversation went down.
He was on Joe Rogan.
He said -
“The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy. The empathy exploit. They’re exploiting a bug in Western civilization, which is the empathy response. So, I think, you know, empathy is good, but you need to think it through and not just be programmed like a robot.”
Rogan agreed: “Right, understand when empathy has been actually used as a tool.”
Musk replied, “Yes, like, it’s weaponized empathy, which is the issue.”
I mean, he kinda has a point, but coming from Elon felt weird because the guy is dead inside.
Intimacy seems to be the gateway to genuine empathy… which might explain why so much of what passes for empathy online feels hollow.
That IS rich. I could have lived my life and never known of its existence, but reading it gave me a little smile. It was mostly discomfort. Anyway, I get it. Dots connected. Thank you.
oh love this new format! Empathy is not a weakness at all, I'd dare say it's a superpower! And I'd also say we definitely don't need less of it right now, we need much much more. I don't understand how it could be seen as a negative thing - isn't caring about the people around us the most basic human behaviour.
The issue is when empathy is used as a tool for control—like saying “we need universal healthcare because saving lives shouldn’t have a price tag.” True, but we should also ask why healthcare is so expensive. Most doctors I know work crazy hours and charge high rates because insurance pays late and not in full. Hospitals inflate prices to cover losses, while insurers use those inflated figures to justify raising premiums. Patients rarely negotiate bills, even though discounts are often possible. Before pushing policies in the name of empathy, we need laws that tackle the root causes—like systemic greed.
Empathy can’t be a smokescreen for avoiding tough structural reform. Universal healthcare and tackling systemic greed shouldn’t be an either/or proposition. We need both heart and backbone in policy-making, which are currently lacking in our systems.
I appreciate you adding to this conversation, and I wish you the best weekend ahead.
I think the human experience is based on what humans actually experience. You show enough empathy the return of it is 80% detrimental and you show zero empathy and the return of that is in 90% positive. so people grew out of connections and into strategy and stoicism because that seems to work the culture.
And like you said sometimes we were raised like that sometimes we grew along with what life taught us Neela love.
Empathy is a dish best served warm Neela. I believe those who consider it a nemesis are broken; it's something sadly lacking is certain echelons of government right now. Often people mistake having empathy for being weak - it's frankly the opposite! Thanks for the early shot of Lime - love it!
Loving this short format though to be fair I always learn something from you in your long format pieces too. I love the word empathy - to empathize feels like listening to me and listening is good.
With Elon thinking empathy is the end of Western civilization, Zuckerberg pushing for more masculine energy in the workplace, and the U.S. government seeming intent on rolling back policies to the 1950s, especially regarding women, it feels like we’re all stuck in a weird loop where regressive ideas are being sold as progress.
Instead of moving forward, we’re being pulled backward into outdated norms that don’t serve most of us. It’s almost like a race to see who can drag us back the furthest. And the billionaires are winning 😔
Anyway, I can't wait to see where you go with this series. I'm so excited 🤗
We’re living in a time when empathy feels like a revolutionary concept, and basic rights are somehow up for debate again. I need to exit this scene. I can't find the exit button. 😔
The billionaires are winning because idiots believe they care about us.
Empathy is seen as a weakness by those that don't understand its power.
Contracts between humans (monetary, cooperative, social) have a tendency to longevity if they are mutually beneficial. This includes mutual treatment and execution of ongoing contracts.
Renegotiation of a new contract (employee, provider, client, friend, coach, student) is very expensive (finding, convincing, converging, maintaining). Ergo more empathetical contracts will have a strong correlation with stickiness across the entire human society.
And most of the time it doesn't even cost anything. It just takes some "human intelligence" to understand the drivers, incentives and values of each other, and then, built on this empathic knowledge maximising the impact.
Again, Empathy is seen as a weakness by those that don't understand its power or are strategically nearsighted.
This is a solid take, Daniel. You’ve reframed empathy in the language of systems and contracts, which I think is what’s needed to bring it into boardrooms and leadership strategy. The irony is that we label empathy ‘soft’ when, as you point out, it’s foundational to every form of durable collaboration. It's more like strategic foresight.
Thank you so much for taking the time .......
diggin' on that Thoreau...
Glad you liked it, Jonathan, and thank you for taking the time :)
I like how you contrast this with control, making clear the motives behind the lame critique.
What if we saw empathy as being like chlorophyll, which amazingly "eats light" in photosynthesis and nourishes not just plants and trees but makes the evolution of us possible? Empathy feeds life in a generative process that is not "strong" in traditional modes of that word, but is a deeper strength. Thanks for this Thursday gift!
Love the metaphor, bro
Empathy as chlorophyll.
And yes, you are right, empathy sustains life in ways we often overlook.
Thank you for adding to the conversation - it’s a Thursday gift right back.
I hope you have the best day ahead.
I like it when writers create a little series structure within their publication. 2 cents and a lime is a tasty example. Well done, Neela!
I think "empathy" is one of those shrinky weasel words that confuses more than enlightens. We would do better to stick with good words like kindness, understanding and compassion. Everybody knows what those words mean and look like in behavior.
Thanks, Baird! I love a good metaphor, so I’ll take ‘tasty’ any day. You’ve got a point that ‘empathy’ can feel vague, especially when it’s thrown around without grounding.
Ultimately, behavior is what matters most.
I am trying to be mindful about what I ask of people here, plus writing two articles per week can be difficult sometimes lol
Having fun on Substack is so important to me.
Happy Thursday to you..
FUN! Yes! As long as it's fun to write and play with some of the nice folks here, I suspect you and I will keep showing up. If not, we're outa here!
oh yea - ain’t nobody got time for drama lol
Love this short format. Agree with your view entirely. I was raised in typical male fashion where empathy was not a thing. Life, work and a house full of female perspectives has changed this in a good way. But empathy adds a lair of understanding and complexity which is essential with human beans. And Jim Camp a top negotiator who advised the FBI says that all decisions are based on emotion there are no logical decisions. Keep up the good work Neela.
Thank you, John! And yes, human 'beans' are anything but simple legumes. 😉
Love that you brought up Jim Camp. It deepens the conversation on what we consider ‘rational.’ Empathy doesn’t complicate decisions but clarifies why we make them.
Thank you for the feedback on the format.
I will keep going...
That would make a great avante garde bumper slogan!
I am in awe of how well you put so many things that a lot of us have felt and lived. Loved it! I am a beginner to online writing and I am looking up to you 💙
I tell everyone I write for me first hahahaha
And then I hope it resonates with the community.
So far - so good Priyanka - thank you so much for taking the time :)
That is exactly why you write the way you do. And it is the same for me, so I appreciate the honesty
Especially since I see these posts talking about how to strategically write for the shorter attention spans online and I get it but it just isn’t me.
Anyways happy to connect and read more!
I don’t like that advice. I love long form content and it is one of the reasons why I gave up on LinkedIn because people there don’t like reading and I refuse to water down my content 😂😂😂
On one hand, I'm glad that I have no idea what Elon said. It means my plan to avoid headlines and social media platforms is working. I have no idea. That said, I'm a little concerned that my response to this will sound like a dog whistle or some kind of signal. Uh, no. Not. Doing that.
Don't know if we've discussed or not, Neela, but I found Paul Bloom's book on empathy profound. It seems like a book against empathy, but that's just provocative marketing. Bloom argues for empathy as a template of sorts, but pushes harder for compassion. This, he argues, is what we really want from empathy.
But to get to the good stuff, as I understand it, we have to first experience empathy, and it's only experienced intimately.
Fascinating about the history of the word.
Happy Monday Damon
Social Media is wild, and not knowing what Elon said might be the purest form of peace in 202. My clients love talking politics, and sometimes I cannot shut them up lol
We have discussed this briefly before.
This is how that Elon conversation went down.
He was on Joe Rogan.
He said -
“The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy. The empathy exploit. They’re exploiting a bug in Western civilization, which is the empathy response. So, I think, you know, empathy is good, but you need to think it through and not just be programmed like a robot.”
Rogan agreed: “Right, understand when empathy has been actually used as a tool.”
Musk replied, “Yes, like, it’s weaponized empathy, which is the issue.”
I mean, he kinda has a point, but coming from Elon felt weird because the guy is dead inside.
Intimacy seems to be the gateway to genuine empathy… which might explain why so much of what passes for empathy online feels hollow.
Thank you for chiming in Damon...
That IS rich. I could have lived my life and never known of its existence, but reading it gave me a little smile. It was mostly discomfort. Anyway, I get it. Dots connected. Thank you.
oh love this new format! Empathy is not a weakness at all, I'd dare say it's a superpower! And I'd also say we definitely don't need less of it right now, we need much much more. I don't understand how it could be seen as a negative thing - isn't caring about the people around us the most basic human behaviour.
I am trying different things so I appreciate the feedback.
We do need more of it in a world that feels cruel sometimes.
Have a good week Sophie.
Thank you for taking the time.
Nice format, Neela! Humains want and need to connect, so why did we design systems to deny that?
A direct question for a direct article.
Why indeed?
I enjoy experimenting with various formats.
Thank you for taking the time here, Lisa :)
The issue is when empathy is used as a tool for control—like saying “we need universal healthcare because saving lives shouldn’t have a price tag.” True, but we should also ask why healthcare is so expensive. Most doctors I know work crazy hours and charge high rates because insurance pays late and not in full. Hospitals inflate prices to cover losses, while insurers use those inflated figures to justify raising premiums. Patients rarely negotiate bills, even though discounts are often possible. Before pushing policies in the name of empathy, we need laws that tackle the root causes—like systemic greed.
Valid point, Parth.
Empathy can’t be a smokescreen for avoiding tough structural reform. Universal healthcare and tackling systemic greed shouldn’t be an either/or proposition. We need both heart and backbone in policy-making, which are currently lacking in our systems.
I appreciate you adding to this conversation, and I wish you the best weekend ahead.
I think the human experience is based on what humans actually experience. You show enough empathy the return of it is 80% detrimental and you show zero empathy and the return of that is in 90% positive. so people grew out of connections and into strategy and stoicism because that seems to work the culture.
And like you said sometimes we were raised like that sometimes we grew along with what life taught us Neela love.
Solid point, sis.
Strategy and stoicism might shield us, but they can also isolate us.
The truth is, connection can heal more than strategy ever will.
I wish you the best weekend sis.
Haha, love the format Neela! The little twist at the end brings a bit of zest into the article. I'll see myself out. 🫣
heheheheh
It made me laugh, so for now you are safe lol
Thank you for stopping by Scott
Empathy is a dish best served warm Neela. I believe those who consider it a nemesis are broken; it's something sadly lacking is certain echelons of government right now. Often people mistake having empathy for being weak - it's frankly the opposite! Thanks for the early shot of Lime - love it!
Bro, you served that line like a five star chef.
BTW I bet you make a mean BBQ.
And yes, there’s nothing weak about empathy.
It takes strength to feel and even more to act on it. Appreciate the love always bro.
Have the best weekend ahead.
Ha ha thanks Sis!
I do cook a reasonably good steak on the BBQ thank you.. :)
I totally agree...... I had a terrific weekend thank you, and I hope you're enjoying yours! :)
See, I knew it bro.
My weekend was good but so darn hot here.
I wish you the best week ahead ……….
Awww thanks Sis... Let's swap, our weather is cooling down now! lol
Thanks so much, you too!! :)
Loving this short format though to be fair I always learn something from you in your long format pieces too. I love the word empathy - to empathize feels like listening to me and listening is good.
Cecilia, you always get it!
Empathy is listening, and listening is one of the most generous things we can offer.
Have the best weekend friend.
With Elon thinking empathy is the end of Western civilization, Zuckerberg pushing for more masculine energy in the workplace, and the U.S. government seeming intent on rolling back policies to the 1950s, especially regarding women, it feels like we’re all stuck in a weird loop where regressive ideas are being sold as progress.
Instead of moving forward, we’re being pulled backward into outdated norms that don’t serve most of us. It’s almost like a race to see who can drag us back the furthest. And the billionaires are winning 😔
Anyway, I can't wait to see where you go with this series. I'm so excited 🤗
Oh Bette.
We’re living in a time when empathy feels like a revolutionary concept, and basic rights are somehow up for debate again. I need to exit this scene. I can't find the exit button. 😔
The billionaires are winning because idiots believe they care about us.
Thank you for chiming in, friend.
OMG Neela, that & a Lime ending was strong! Good one.
Thank you for stopping by Parves :)