Thanks for the feedback and connection Ral. I’m glad you’re thinking of starting your own business. What sort of business? My current journey takes me to helping people starting to grow their businesses.
"Networking wasn't a tactic; it was a way of life." I loved this line. The two years I spent building meaningful relationships have been bearing fruit since I left my job two months ago to start my own business. All my business has come through referrals. People who've worked with me are recommending and introducing me to people who need my services. I never dreamed this could happen, but it's happening. Great article.
This is the dream, right? When relationships become the business model.
No hustling, just trust doing the work for you. So validating to see your intentionality pay off like this. Here’s to more referrals (and maybe a little smug satisfaction when people realize ‘networking’ was never about transactional schmoozing). Cheering you on always!
Thanks for the feedback and I’m glad the relationship approach is working for you. It is doubly effective in a time when so many recommend the much more impersonal digital marketing method
Loved this Neela and David. It’s been a while since I had been out of traditional work and I always wondered if I have lost the art of networking working from home. This advice is so helpful to get that reminder and yes connecting with people you like, sharing stories and talking more than just work can do wonders to build a good relationship.
Ahh!! This is such a nice thing to do. I have been home after a career break and rebuilding my life but the difficult part is networking as I dont have an office or structured environment so its like a conscious thing that needs to be done. Thanks much
Thank you for this collaboration as part of Neela's connective community. I love hearing about what has worked for you, and in this time of divisive dehumanizing, I particularly like how you built networks by humanizing relationships. That gives me encouragement for a very different field.
When a team member leaves, celebrate as if a new one joins. - I love that habit. Leaders who follow it strengthen their whole community. It’s pretty comforting to watch a caring leader.
Such a refreshing approach and one I try to implement, too. I love your first point - only network with those you like, David. It can be excruciating and counter-productive otherwise. I am still in contact with some of the people I had the most laughs with at Ernst & Young decades ago!
That was a point that stood out to me too. I love a little friction at work but that can drain the joy from our very short lives. So I love David’s approach as well Lisa.
Networking and relationship management is a huge part of my job. I used to hate it and thought I wasn't good at it. Then I read the book social chemistry and it changed how I looked at it. I realised I was good at it, I was just a different kind of networker (a network broker), now I'm kind of proud of my skills 🙂
Love this reframe Sophie! So many of us assume networking has to look like schmoozing at cocktail parties when really, it’s just about connecting people who should know each other. I am not surprised you are great at this btw.
This right here is the art of networking: Be genuinely interested in their business and social lives.
Add to this respect, and you'll have a network that's ready to vouch for you/ and jump in whenever you need it. All this fake smile, laughter over coffee and drinks can only take you so far. If the foundation isn't there, it'll evaporate as quickly as it began.
Fortunately I’m old and the technique as I relate it predates social platforms, smart phones, microcomputers. It was just people then. That’s the way I try and keep it despite technology mediate sone / much of it
Yes to all of this, David. This really aligns with what I discussed in my article last week. Once you move away from genuine connections and start making things transactional, it all begins to fall apart, and people can easily see through it. But when you truly take the time to get to know people and look beyond what they can offer you, they stop being just a sales number and become someone you value for who they are.
As I also commented elsewhere I couldn’t have ever predicted which people would do what when. The community is an organic whole based on interlocking relationships
That’s the thing, right? We never know and that’s why it floors me when people dismiss someone because they don’t fit into whatever box they think will help them. The reality is they don’t know - that person might be the golden ticket to the next ride.
Conversely the golden ones can actually leaden. I have a related empirical observation: of all my colleagues and competitors who were completely focused on becoming really rich none ever made it close. The one that did networked well, treated his clients and his people very well, got to the right size for him (10 people) , saved money scrupulously for a rainy day, didn’t expand or scale, loved being a consultant, invested after the 2008 crash and retired at 50
Exactly, you can’t always tell who might be the one who becomes the go to for all things later on. It’s kind of like when we used to wait in lines at the grocery stores for the checkout. I would strategically try to find the one moving the fastest and it seemed no matter which one I chose, it was the wrong line each time for one reason or another.
I read a précis of an article about the CEO of Delta which I have only flown on a bit but was impressed. Evidently he has done well with the same In and Out Burger / Costco contrarian business philosophy - don’t nickel and dime extras, no change fees, generous employee profit sharing etc. Do the right balanced thing is the real road to success
Excellent reminder! The best networks aren't "networks" at all -- but are more like communities built out of solid friendships. It's a really great way to think about things, and very useful too. The part about how each member of your network can "switch" roles is something I never thought of before, but makes sense if you keep networks well nurtured over the long term. Friends can become customers to advocates to vendors, and so on. Great stuff!
Thanks for reading. Appreciate the feedback. It is by reading the other articles on community I realized that is what had happened over the years by networking
The 'role-switching' dynamic is what makes community driven networks so powerful (and fun). It’s like a potluck where everyone brings a different dish over time.
Sometimes you’re the cook, sometimes the guest, but the meal always gets better. Appreciate you highlighting that insight!
Thanks for your thinking my heart was pure. I was simply saving my bacon by getting to know all these women, and in doing so learned a technique I used over and over. But you have to like people and learning
Thank you for introducing David to us Neela! Great insights on the power of networking done well! The line "I listened and learned" is so powerful, because I see so many people jump into their version of networking which is leaping in to flex their self-perceived strengths, not to absorb, or as you say, they make it transactional and only get in touch with someone when they want or need something. That's not networking. When we have a strong network it's built on relationships as you say, and they're win/win! Thanks David!
Glad you liked it Alexander. Too many people have made networking sound bad. But if you think you are building a network, a community, it means something else more powerful
ha ha I couldn't agree with you more that weekend was a long time coming after an entertaining week! lol Yes indeed Q1 in the can.... Awww thanks, to me listening really is the most important aspect of communicating! You're always welcome Sis!
Important stuff, David and Neela. 👏 Human behaviors like warmth, genuineness, respect and understanding are the soil in which great relationships grow for sure.
A question for you both: in your experience, how much of this is mostly an expression of a person's character/personality as opposed to "techniques" that can be taught/learned?
To answer your question, it’s a blend of both. Character and personality set the foundation because you can’t fake genuine warmth or empathy for long. But the how - active listening, curiosity driven questions, or even small adjustments in "body language" -are teachable skills.
I'm big on names, so if you notice, I always refer to people by their names in comments. If I don't know their names, I become nosy in messaging, with no pressure, of course.
Of course I see the issue just as you do. Same for the making of good therapists. Amazing to me that the selection process for those training programs pays no attention to basic personality style as well as good grades. Some very well credentialed shrinks keep disappointing their patients because of that.
And I agree with you about using names, Nancy. And please tell that Neela to stop eavesdropping, and to have a good Cali weekend! ☀️🌴
Thanks for reading Baird. Good question. I think that remembering to network, meeting new and known people can be taught as a technique. Curiosity and concern are likely more about personality. I think just wanting to know about things and people is inside
This was fun - Thank you for trusting your words and story in my pub, David :)
Thanks for giving me this opportunity!
Happy Friday David.
Thanks for the feedback and connection Ral. I’m glad you’re thinking of starting your own business. What sort of business? My current journey takes me to helping people starting to grow their businesses.
"Networking wasn't a tactic; it was a way of life." I loved this line. The two years I spent building meaningful relationships have been bearing fruit since I left my job two months ago to start my own business. All my business has come through referrals. People who've worked with me are recommending and introducing me to people who need my services. I never dreamed this could happen, but it's happening. Great article.
Triniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Happy Thursday.
This is the dream, right? When relationships become the business model.
No hustling, just trust doing the work for you. So validating to see your intentionality pay off like this. Here’s to more referrals (and maybe a little smug satisfaction when people realize ‘networking’ was never about transactional schmoozing). Cheering you on always!
I could do with a little, "smug" now and then. Cheers for getting this right LOL
It was my friend David who wrote this article. I just hosted his words.
David: Meet Nicole - my Trinidadian friend, writer, publisher, and total badass, from LinkedIn, but also an offline friend.
Nicole: Meet David - he is one of my biggest supporters and friends here on Substack :)
Hey Nicole. Great to meet you. Love your comments
Thanks for the feedback and I’m glad the relationship approach is working for you. It is doubly effective in a time when so many recommend the much more impersonal digital marketing method
Loved this Neela and David. It’s been a while since I had been out of traditional work and I always wondered if I have lost the art of networking working from home. This advice is so helpful to get that reminder and yes connecting with people you like, sharing stories and talking more than just work can do wonders to build a good relationship.
It works digitally/ virtually as well. I spend 20 minutes each morning reaching out to different people as I live on a small remote island now
Ahh!! This is such a nice thing to do. I have been home after a career break and rebuilding my life but the difficult part is networking as I dont have an office or structured environment so its like a conscious thing that needs to be done. Thanks much
20 minutes every day. In the morning. After I read, exercise and meditate. That’s it
Happy Friday, Shruti - So glad you found the article helpful. You have a knack for networking the right way, though. Just saying :)
You have the knack to make everyone good about themselves..:) just saying
Happy Friday!!!!
Thank you Shruti :)
Thank you for this collaboration as part of Neela's connective community. I love hearing about what has worked for you, and in this time of divisive dehumanizing, I particularly like how you built networks by humanizing relationships. That gives me encouragement for a very different field.
It was in 1981, a different era when there was more personal in business relationships.
Oh man, I am loving these comments. Substack needs to recognize that I have the best community here. Thank you for chiming in, Hans :)
When a team member leaves, celebrate as if a new one joins. - I love that habit. Leaders who follow it strengthen their whole community. It’s pretty comforting to watch a caring leader.
Thanks for this piece David and Neela!
Thanks for reading and commenting Chris
Hey Chris
I hope you are having a good week.
Thank you for commenting and for restacking :)
Such a refreshing approach and one I try to implement, too. I love your first point - only network with those you like, David. It can be excruciating and counter-productive otherwise. I am still in contact with some of the people I had the most laughs with at Ernst & Young decades ago!
I really employ it now. Why waste time talking BS with people I don’t enjoy first and foremost?
I hear you David - I need to employ this a bit more on my end :)
It helps to turn 70
😂😂😂😂
I will let you know in 2 decades David.
That was a point that stood out to me too. I love a little friction at work but that can drain the joy from our very short lives. So I love David’s approach as well Lisa.
Excellent read - thanks David
Thank you so much friend :)
Networking and relationship management is a huge part of my job. I used to hate it and thought I wasn't good at it. Then I read the book social chemistry and it changed how I looked at it. I realised I was good at it, I was just a different kind of networker (a network broker), now I'm kind of proud of my skills 🙂
Indeed networking is building interwoven relationships over time
Love this reframe Sophie! So many of us assume networking has to look like schmoozing at cocktail parties when really, it’s just about connecting people who should know each other. I am not surprised you are great at this btw.
This right here is the art of networking: Be genuinely interested in their business and social lives.
Add to this respect, and you'll have a network that's ready to vouch for you/ and jump in whenever you need it. All this fake smile, laughter over coffee and drinks can only take you so far. If the foundation isn't there, it'll evaporate as quickly as it began.
Thanks for reading it Parves. The other key element is relationships over time. Years. Then decades.
Exactly this Parves.
The best networkers aren’t collectors.
They’re gardeners.
What you’re describing is the difference between -
Transactional networking (I help you → you help me). This is LinkedIn
Relational networking (I see you → we grow together) This is Substack
Fortunately I’m old and the technique as I relate it predates social platforms, smart phones, microcomputers. It was just people then. That’s the way I try and keep it despite technology mediate sone / much of it
Yes to all of this, David. This really aligns with what I discussed in my article last week. Once you move away from genuine connections and start making things transactional, it all begins to fall apart, and people can easily see through it. But when you truly take the time to get to know people and look beyond what they can offer you, they stop being just a sales number and become someone you value for who they are.
As I also commented elsewhere I couldn’t have ever predicted which people would do what when. The community is an organic whole based on interlocking relationships
That’s the thing, right? We never know and that’s why it floors me when people dismiss someone because they don’t fit into whatever box they think will help them. The reality is they don’t know - that person might be the golden ticket to the next ride.
Conversely the golden ones can actually leaden. I have a related empirical observation: of all my colleagues and competitors who were completely focused on becoming really rich none ever made it close. The one that did networked well, treated his clients and his people very well, got to the right size for him (10 people) , saved money scrupulously for a rainy day, didn’t expand or scale, loved being a consultant, invested after the 2008 crash and retired at 50
Obsession with gold weighs you down while the ones who focus on being valuable end up light enough to move when opportunity knocks.
Still, proof that the best ROI is often not doing the thing everyone insists you must. Thanks for sharing this David.
Exactly, you can’t always tell who might be the one who becomes the go to for all things later on. It’s kind of like when we used to wait in lines at the grocery stores for the checkout. I would strategically try to find the one moving the fastest and it seemed no matter which one I chose, it was the wrong line each time for one reason or another.
I read a précis of an article about the CEO of Delta which I have only flown on a bit but was impressed. Evidently he has done well with the same In and Out Burger / Costco contrarian business philosophy - don’t nickel and dime extras, no change fees, generous employee profit sharing etc. Do the right balanced thing is the real road to success
Happy Friday Bette
We didn't email or chat all day yesterday.
I feel like it's been 10 years hahahahaha
Also, I love this feedback. Transactional networking is like trying to microwave a gourmet meal. It might look done fast, but nobody’s fooled lol
Hope you have the best day ahead.
That’s funny because it’s Saturday and I was like I haven’t emailed with Neela - and it feels like it’s been days! lol
That’s how I felt this weekend too. But I see you on Thursday :)
Can’t wait —- 🤗🤗🤗
Excellent reminder! The best networks aren't "networks" at all -- but are more like communities built out of solid friendships. It's a really great way to think about things, and very useful too. The part about how each member of your network can "switch" roles is something I never thought of before, but makes sense if you keep networks well nurtured over the long term. Friends can become customers to advocates to vendors, and so on. Great stuff!
Thanks for reading. Appreciate the feedback. It is by reading the other articles on community I realized that is what had happened over the years by networking
Happy weekend James
You nailed it.
The 'role-switching' dynamic is what makes community driven networks so powerful (and fun). It’s like a potluck where everyone brings a different dish over time.
Sometimes you’re the cook, sometimes the guest, but the meal always gets better. Appreciate you highlighting that insight!
It's good you realise WHY now, but before knowing why, you were doing it perfectly, expertly, simply because of what's in your heart, David ❤️
Thanks for your thinking my heart was pure. I was simply saving my bacon by getting to know all these women, and in doing so learned a technique I used over and over. But you have to like people and learning
Thank you so much for showing up here Nadine. I appreciate you.
Thank you for introducing David to us Neela! Great insights on the power of networking done well! The line "I listened and learned" is so powerful, because I see so many people jump into their version of networking which is leaping in to flex their self-perceived strengths, not to absorb, or as you say, they make it transactional and only get in touch with someone when they want or need something. That's not networking. When we have a strong network it's built on relationships as you say, and they're win/win! Thanks David!
Glad you liked it Alexander. Too many people have made networking sound bad. But if you think you are building a network, a community, it means something else more powerful
I totally agree David.
Hey bro
Happy weekend to you.
What a fucking week hahahahaha
Q1 is done and dusted. How about you?
P.S. You are the best at listening. Thank you for showing up here.
ha ha I couldn't agree with you more that weekend was a long time coming after an entertaining week! lol Yes indeed Q1 in the can.... Awww thanks, to me listening really is the most important aspect of communicating! You're always welcome Sis!
Happy New Week bro :)
Right back at you sis! :)
Loved the key elements listed. They resonated with me. They likely will with other people too.
Thanks so much. Glad it worked fir you
Happy weekend Michael :) - thank you for taking the time.
Important stuff, David and Neela. 👏 Human behaviors like warmth, genuineness, respect and understanding are the soil in which great relationships grow for sure.
A question for you both: in your experience, how much of this is mostly an expression of a person's character/personality as opposed to "techniques" that can be taught/learned?
I heard yah Baird.😂😂
Happy Friday friend.
To answer your question, it’s a blend of both. Character and personality set the foundation because you can’t fake genuine warmth or empathy for long. But the how - active listening, curiosity driven questions, or even small adjustments in "body language" -are teachable skills.
I'm big on names, so if you notice, I always refer to people by their names in comments. If I don't know their names, I become nosy in messaging, with no pressure, of course.
Thank you for the support here.
Of course I see the issue just as you do. Same for the making of good therapists. Amazing to me that the selection process for those training programs pays no attention to basic personality style as well as good grades. Some very well credentialed shrinks keep disappointing their patients because of that.
And I agree with you about using names, Nancy. And please tell that Neela to stop eavesdropping, and to have a good Cali weekend! ☀️🌴
😂😂😂😂😂
you know I will Baird :)
Thanks for reading Baird. Good question. I think that remembering to network, meeting new and known people can be taught as a technique. Curiosity and concern are likely more about personality. I think just wanting to know about things and people is inside
I see it as you do, David. I think people respond to genuine. It transforms an encounter into a connection. Just watch Neela do it! 🌶️
(I wouldn't say that if she could hear me 😉)