I was feeling like I was on substack all the time.
First thing I did in the morning? Check Substack.
Had a spare 2 minutes waiting somewhere? Check Substack.
Not just reading stories or notes, but also check my stats, as if they would be changing that fast.
Well this weekend I decided I needed some space.
I love writing my long posts, I also like interacting with people, but I don't need to do it at a moments notice from anywhere.
So for now I have removed substack from my phone and I changed my settings to get long form posts delivered via email so I can choose to read those on my phone or not.
No more checking my stats non stop.
And you know what? I feel calmer.
When I am on substack on my computer I enjoy it more. For now no substack on my phone is a good boundary.
Also a good chat with Neela about all of this on Saturday was also very helpful! She's amazing if you haven't noticed.
Neela this is a fantastic post to remind us that not everything needs to be done on a phone, and there is a whole world outside of that!
I'm so glad our Saturday chat helped! And I love that you took action immediately.
Your new boundary sounds perfect. I try my best to manage my time like a ninja because if I don't, I get sad about it. Someone pays the price when I am nonchalant about my online scrolling. And it's usually my family. Keep it up, friend! 💛
Nice post, Neela. You captured the nostalgia of the pre-cell phone days well, and you brought it back to the loss of connection. The story about your dad making sure everyone stayed connected really landed. Sounds like you learned something important there. Maybe that is why you like the squirrels outside your place so much. You envy their connection and their freedom :)
Lovely essay, and I'm spot on with you and Dinah. There are some things I cannot do on my phone - computer only!
I just read a news nugget (I didn't click in to read the whole article... which is therefore validating your point about attention here... lol) that said researchers are worried about the impacts of short form video. That we can no longer focus for long amounts of time. Or that people simply don't WANT to focus for longer than a minute. And all downsides of that. But despite this worry, there wasn't anything truly being done about it.
Anyway, as usual, I love your social, cultural, and technological commentary. Thanks for writing.
The short form video thing is precisely what worries me too. I count the lucky stars that I am not a fan of videos. But to your point, we're training ourselves to need constant stimulation in 60-second bursts. And you're right - everyone's "worried" but nobody's actually doing anything about it because, well, there's too much money in keeping us this way. Glad we're on the same page about the computer-only rule.
Plus, you have so much more fun talking a walk, cooking something. Just being outside in the sunlight. When someone asks me for my phone number, I just tell them NO because that’s another text message to respond to hahahaha
It instantly brought back so many memories! The hours I spent with friends in high school & college, just being together and talking (GenX). Or sitting on the phone chatting, the long cord pulled into the dining room away from family, lol. I remember my brother & I asking my parents to get my sister her own landline because she was on the phone so much (the youngest).
Your story of the blackout and no way to communicate brought me back to the earthquake (Loma Prieta) in 1989. Most of the landlines were tied up, or people stayed off the phone once they knew everyone was safe, so those who needed to get through could.
Once my kids had phones (they're 28 & 25)- I was adamant they weren't on them when we went out to eat, when family was over, or we were doing something. They enjoyed talking with their grandparents, aunts & uncles.
Maybe I'm idealistic, but I feel like there is a little shift happening where people are waking up (for lack of a better term) to the fact that big tech has so much control over our lives (without contributing much to the society & communities that have made them billionaires 🙄). Did you see the CNBC article that said, "Americans are device hoarding" because we're not updating our phones as often? Ridiculous. Oh, to have media that isn't owned by the people who profit from the narrative. <end rant>
I have all notifications, other than text, turned off on my phone, and social apps are on the second page. I prefer using them on a computer where I feel more aware of what I'm doing (like leaving a tome in the comments, lol) - and I HATE typing on my phone.
GenX represent! 🙌 I love that you enforced the 'no phones at dinner' rule with your kids.
My sister does the same with my niece. We're supposed to enjoy each other's company!
We have such a short time together before things change, and they do in a split second.
I see more waking up in our generation, and we are acting on it. There are always some clickbait headlines written by people with very little self-awareness.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I loved every word.
Haha, yea, my kids got a lot of the basics that I was raised with (i.e., responsibility, basic manners, etc.). My daughter jokes that she identifies with GenX a lot.
Totally agree that younger generations are waking up and acting on it, I love seeing them take a stand.
The weather up here is lovely! I’m about an hour southeast of Lake Tahoe and we have blue skies & a high of 64! Unseasonably warm (no complaints, lol).
Hi Neela. This has easily been the most engaging thing I read today. Some points were genuinely hilarious, yet deeply thought-provoking. I’ve already made a few intentional changes, especially to stop myself from reacting to every notification my phone throws at me. In fact, I’ve disabled notifications for several apps altogether.
I also notice how easily I can get carried away while scrolling reels, so we’ve set a simple rule at home. No phones in the bedroom at night. I honestly wish I could go back to having a phone that stayed in one place just for emergencies, but back then hardly anyone ever called. Funny how times change. We’ve even had to let go of our office phone now 🫣
Very well written. We are more connected than ever, yet increasingly alone. Healthcare is a clear example. Patients are wired into systems and dashboards, while empathy struggles to keep up. This doesn’t feel like progress. It feels like amnesia.
"Everywhere and nowhere all at once." You summed it up brilliantly, Neela. You always do. And the idea that "we can chuck our phones in the ocean and return to rotary dial isn't a bad one." If I go missing, you know you gave me the idea. 😂. I am feeling inspired now. Thank you ❤️
I remember the movie "Don't look up" stay at smartphone level and be in your own life, passing without any purpose.
We are seeing a shift now of more computer less phone and it will accelerate in the next year as well.
The ones that are coming after us (14-28) are actually glued on more than 8h of screen time a day. It's absolutely horrific what they are doing to their brains. 😬
The scary part isn’t phones themselves but how early brains are being trained to live in constant interruption.Silence and boredom used to do a lot of quiet developmental work back in the day. I yearn for the good old days, Mark.
That story of the people just scrolling through (probably) social media at a concert is just so sad, it really shows how addictive these things are. So many people spend their lives on their phones just scrolling time away. Makes me sad.
Why pay good money just to look at your phone! They could have saved a packet by staying at home and streaming the album whilst scrolling!! I went to see Taylor with my daughter and I couldn't get over how many people in the crowd appeared to be watching the show through their phone screens - as if it wasn't real if they couldn't evidence it with a video later. I realised a while ago that I wasn't really present when watching TV with my other half in the evening. Sure the TV was on, and I was interested in the programme, but because I was also on my tablet I wasn't really engaging. I've stopped for the most part now, I fully focus on the programme/film. I only play when I'm not interested. They are much more enjoyable when I pay proper attention.
I have a rule where we put our devices away after 6 pm.
It’s a good rule because, like you, we found ourselves falling into the same problem. In America, T Swift tickets aren’t cheap. I bet it’s the same everywhere. I could never understand it.
I shut off from work related social media in the evenings and at weekends - I know it's Sunday - but I this is fun, not work! I have FB, but can't remember the last time I posted and hardly go on to see what everyone else's up to. My biggest fault is games, I enjoy the variety and challenge, I have been known to lose an hour or two at a time!
Neela, you nicely capture the nostalgia of the pre-cell phone era. It’s funny how those “inefficient” moments from childhood are what I treasure most, too. You’re so right, tech has a way of sneaking into spaces where we used to exist, breathe, or chat about nothing and everything.
I loved your honesty in calling out the weirdness of being “reachable” 24/7. Sometimes I miss the days when missing a call just meant you’d catch up later, not that you were expected to explain yourself! Thanks for the gentle nudge to look up and be present, not just for the big moments, but the little ones too (and maybe for a cheese paste sandwich… you triggered a craving!). Hmm, I think I’m going to get some of those….
I could tell you when I got my first “transportable phone,” but that would really show my age. 😁 I’m on the same page with you and Dinah. I don’t use my phone for social media; I prefer a laptop.
Proud to know you and always grateful for your thoughtful reminders, friend. Big hugs!
Oh my goodness, have you been reading my mind and listening in on the conversations that have been going on in my house recently?? You are spot on with this! Keep the focus on being present in real life and the joy and deep human feelings that already surround you will be more apparent and accessible. Then you have more material to write stories that truly connect from!
I mean, 2006? You are the only non-Boomer I know who held out that long. I was already rockin' a Treo by 2005, which was an early smartphone made by Palm (of Palm Pilot). Most people thought I was a geek. I was not.
That's just to say, nicely done, Neela. 👏
Call me old-fashioned, but I'm still in the camp that it's rude to pull out one's phone in front of others, at least without excusing oneself. If we're at a table, it's probably best to step away too.
After all, nobody would do this with a newspaper when that was our main source of distraction in the wild.
A TREO! I haven't thought about those things in years.
You were absolutely a geek, Damon, let's not rewrite history here.
The Treo was peak geek-chic. Own it bro lol
Can you imagine someone in 1987 sitting at dinner, unfurling a full broadsheet newspaper in front of their date and just... reading? My mother would have whacked my dad on the head with it.
I had this connection annoy me to no end to do a Zoom chat with her. I finally caved, and we scheduled. I promise you, for the entire time she was texting on her phone while chatting with me, it was frustrating. I agree with you. It's rude. Those were the early days of social media and LinkedIn, and I learned some hard lessons.
Well my system for Substack changed this weekend.
I was feeling like I was on substack all the time.
First thing I did in the morning? Check Substack.
Had a spare 2 minutes waiting somewhere? Check Substack.
Not just reading stories or notes, but also check my stats, as if they would be changing that fast.
Well this weekend I decided I needed some space.
I love writing my long posts, I also like interacting with people, but I don't need to do it at a moments notice from anywhere.
So for now I have removed substack from my phone and I changed my settings to get long form posts delivered via email so I can choose to read those on my phone or not.
No more checking my stats non stop.
And you know what? I feel calmer.
When I am on substack on my computer I enjoy it more. For now no substack on my phone is a good boundary.
Also a good chat with Neela about all of this on Saturday was also very helpful! She's amazing if you haven't noticed.
Neela this is a fantastic post to remind us that not everything needs to be done on a phone, and there is a whole world outside of that!
I'm so glad our Saturday chat helped! And I love that you took action immediately.
Your new boundary sounds perfect. I try my best to manage my time like a ninja because if I don't, I get sad about it. Someone pays the price when I am nonchalant about my online scrolling. And it's usually my family. Keep it up, friend! 💛
Nice post, Neela. You captured the nostalgia of the pre-cell phone days well, and you brought it back to the loss of connection. The story about your dad making sure everyone stayed connected really landed. Sounds like you learned something important there. Maybe that is why you like the squirrels outside your place so much. You envy their connection and their freedom :)
Ha! You might be onto something with the squirrels, Andrew.
They're never checking notifications, that's for sure.
I also admire that they simply do what they want, without a care for how it looks.
Thank you so much for taking the time.
Lovely essay, and I'm spot on with you and Dinah. There are some things I cannot do on my phone - computer only!
I just read a news nugget (I didn't click in to read the whole article... which is therefore validating your point about attention here... lol) that said researchers are worried about the impacts of short form video. That we can no longer focus for long amounts of time. Or that people simply don't WANT to focus for longer than a minute. And all downsides of that. But despite this worry, there wasn't anything truly being done about it.
Anyway, as usual, I love your social, cultural, and technological commentary. Thanks for writing.
Happy Tuesday Karen
The short form video thing is precisely what worries me too. I count the lucky stars that I am not a fan of videos. But to your point, we're training ourselves to need constant stimulation in 60-second bursts. And you're right - everyone's "worried" but nobody's actually doing anything about it because, well, there's too much money in keeping us this way. Glad we're on the same page about the computer-only rule.
Have a wonderful day ahead.
Bombarding the brain with an immense quantity of visual information that the cortex cannot process in time = brain rot.
Plus, you have so much more fun talking a walk, cooking something. Just being outside in the sunlight. When someone asks me for my phone number, I just tell them NO because that’s another text message to respond to hahahaha
I am so bad.
Thank you for stopping by, Mark.
Love this, Neela,
It instantly brought back so many memories! The hours I spent with friends in high school & college, just being together and talking (GenX). Or sitting on the phone chatting, the long cord pulled into the dining room away from family, lol. I remember my brother & I asking my parents to get my sister her own landline because she was on the phone so much (the youngest).
Your story of the blackout and no way to communicate brought me back to the earthquake (Loma Prieta) in 1989. Most of the landlines were tied up, or people stayed off the phone once they knew everyone was safe, so those who needed to get through could.
Once my kids had phones (they're 28 & 25)- I was adamant they weren't on them when we went out to eat, when family was over, or we were doing something. They enjoyed talking with their grandparents, aunts & uncles.
Maybe I'm idealistic, but I feel like there is a little shift happening where people are waking up (for lack of a better term) to the fact that big tech has so much control over our lives (without contributing much to the society & communities that have made them billionaires 🙄). Did you see the CNBC article that said, "Americans are device hoarding" because we're not updating our phones as often? Ridiculous. Oh, to have media that isn't owned by the people who profit from the narrative. <end rant>
I have all notifications, other than text, turned off on my phone, and social apps are on the second page. I prefer using them on a computer where I feel more aware of what I'm doing (like leaving a tome in the comments, lol) - and I HATE typing on my phone.
Happy Tuesday Kim
How is the weather up north?
GenX represent! 🙌 I love that you enforced the 'no phones at dinner' rule with your kids.
My sister does the same with my niece. We're supposed to enjoy each other's company!
We have such a short time together before things change, and they do in a split second.
I see more waking up in our generation, and we are acting on it. There are always some clickbait headlines written by people with very little self-awareness.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I loved every word.
Happy Tuesday to you, Neela!
Haha, yea, my kids got a lot of the basics that I was raised with (i.e., responsibility, basic manners, etc.). My daughter jokes that she identifies with GenX a lot.
Totally agree that younger generations are waking up and acting on it, I love seeing them take a stand.
The weather up here is lovely! I’m about an hour southeast of Lake Tahoe and we have blue skies & a high of 64! Unseasonably warm (no complaints, lol).
I saw that. It's a lovely area you live in, Kim.
Today it gets to 80°F in Orange County.
I am not complaining, and the squirrels are not either.
Thank you, Kim.
My daughter is in Southern CA… next time I’m down for an extended visit I’d love to connect in person with you! Coffee is on me!
You got yourself a deal, Kim
Lunch is on me :)
Hi Neela. This has easily been the most engaging thing I read today. Some points were genuinely hilarious, yet deeply thought-provoking. I’ve already made a few intentional changes, especially to stop myself from reacting to every notification my phone throws at me. In fact, I’ve disabled notifications for several apps altogether.
I also notice how easily I can get carried away while scrolling reels, so we’ve set a simple rule at home. No phones in the bedroom at night. I honestly wish I could go back to having a phone that stayed in one place just for emergencies, but back then hardly anyone ever called. Funny how times change. We’ve even had to let go of our office phone now 🫣
Happy New Year, Anuja
I try my best to infuse humor when I can lol
The moment I realized how reflexive my reactions to notifications had become was… uncomfortable. Turning some of them off felt freeing.
The office phone disappearing really is a milestone moment, haha
One day it’s essential infrastructure, the next it’s a museum piece
Thank you so much for taking the time :)
I hope you enjoy the rest of your week.
Happy New Year Neela. Ha ha . Yeah it will definitely have its place at the museum😊. Take care and have a lovely week ahead too .
Thank you so much, Anuja.
Very well written. We are more connected than ever, yet increasingly alone. Healthcare is a clear example. Patients are wired into systems and dashboards, while empathy struggles to keep up. This doesn’t feel like progress. It feels like amnesia.
Hey Deepak
Empathy is in short supply everywhere, and I have noticed these changes, too, in our healthcare system. Thank you so much for taking the time.
Have the best weekend.
"Everywhere and nowhere all at once." You summed it up brilliantly, Neela. You always do. And the idea that "we can chuck our phones in the ocean and return to rotary dial isn't a bad one." If I go missing, you know you gave me the idea. 😂. I am feeling inspired now. Thank you ❤️
😂 If WE disappear, let’s agree it was a mutual decision, but I’ll find you anyway :)
Happy Thursday, Salima.
Back in the day we called them proggies (programs) , now everything is an APP.
Hey you have an app for that?
It's crazy how people need apps for something that should just require a pen and notepad.
Too much screen time for every activity.
Saw a commercial the other day and It was a family bulletin board tablet style.
I mean really??? DO we reallly WE NEED MORE BLUE LIGHT??? NOOO!!
SUN LIGHT!!!! Go outside. Get off the phone.
☎️💛✨🔆
You can't get me to chuck my phone in a drawer fast enough, and what even is social media hahahaha
Technology was supposed to free up time, not mediate every single human action.
Sunlight and squirrels are a win for me.
Thank you so much for taking the time :)
Also a syncronicity I just posted a whimsical squirrel holding a plate of macarons. LOL
I post notes about them on most Fridays :)
I have nine of them, all named.
I remember the movie "Don't look up" stay at smartphone level and be in your own life, passing without any purpose.
We are seeing a shift now of more computer less phone and it will accelerate in the next year as well.
The ones that are coming after us (14-28) are actually glued on more than 8h of screen time a day. It's absolutely horrific what they are doing to their brains. 😬
The scary part isn’t phones themselves but how early brains are being trained to live in constant interruption.Silence and boredom used to do a lot of quiet developmental work back in the day. I yearn for the good old days, Mark.
Neela, this post is so good. Everything about it is gorgeous, and it's one of those posts that will sit with me for a while. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the feedback, Jennifer.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your week :)
That story of the people just scrolling through (probably) social media at a concert is just so sad, it really shows how addictive these things are. So many people spend their lives on their phones just scrolling time away. Makes me sad.
Yeah, and the concert was SO GOOD.
These bands may never perform again, which is something I think about when I see them on stage.
The band members are older now, and they perform with so many existing health issues.
Have a good week ahead, Sophie.
Let’s make dumb phones great again!
I can get behind this 🤣
Thank you Luke 🙌
Why pay good money just to look at your phone! They could have saved a packet by staying at home and streaming the album whilst scrolling!! I went to see Taylor with my daughter and I couldn't get over how many people in the crowd appeared to be watching the show through their phone screens - as if it wasn't real if they couldn't evidence it with a video later. I realised a while ago that I wasn't really present when watching TV with my other half in the evening. Sure the TV was on, and I was interested in the programme, but because I was also on my tablet I wasn't really engaging. I've stopped for the most part now, I fully focus on the programme/film. I only play when I'm not interested. They are much more enjoyable when I pay proper attention.
Hey Tina
How was your week?
I have a rule where we put our devices away after 6 pm.
It’s a good rule because, like you, we found ourselves falling into the same problem. In America, T Swift tickets aren’t cheap. I bet it’s the same everywhere. I could never understand it.
Thank you for ALWAYS taking the time.
I shut off from work related social media in the evenings and at weekends - I know it's Sunday - but I this is fun, not work! I have FB, but can't remember the last time I posted and hardly go on to see what everyone else's up to. My biggest fault is games, I enjoy the variety and challenge, I have been known to lose an hour or two at a time!
Happy New Week!
That’s not a fault, that’s a feature 😅
Games are sneaky like that - just five more minutes, then 2 hours later lol
Sundays are for fun scrolling.
Have a good week, Tina.
Neela, you nicely capture the nostalgia of the pre-cell phone era. It’s funny how those “inefficient” moments from childhood are what I treasure most, too. You’re so right, tech has a way of sneaking into spaces where we used to exist, breathe, or chat about nothing and everything.
I loved your honesty in calling out the weirdness of being “reachable” 24/7. Sometimes I miss the days when missing a call just meant you’d catch up later, not that you were expected to explain yourself! Thanks for the gentle nudge to look up and be present, not just for the big moments, but the little ones too (and maybe for a cheese paste sandwich… you triggered a craving!). Hmm, I think I’m going to get some of those….
I could tell you when I got my first “transportable phone,” but that would really show my age. 😁 I’m on the same page with you and Dinah. I don’t use my phone for social media; I prefer a laptop.
Proud to know you and always grateful for your thoughtful reminders, friend. Big hugs!
Totally Lucille!
Back then, missing a call was zero drama.
Now, if I don’t answer, people think I’ve vanished off the face of the Earth 😆
Thank you for taking the time!
Enjoy the rest of your week :)
I know, right? It's nuts.
Have a wonderful weekend, Neela. I'm knee deep in years matters.
Sending you positive vibes as you get through Q4 and the chaos it brings lol
Happy Monday Lucille
Thank you, Neela! I needed those positive vibes.
Happy Tuesday!
Thank you Lucille
Happy Tuesday to you too
Oh my goodness, have you been reading my mind and listening in on the conversations that have been going on in my house recently?? You are spot on with this! Keep the focus on being present in real life and the joy and deep human feelings that already surround you will be more apparent and accessible. Then you have more material to write stories that truly connect from!
Haha, maybe we’re all tuned into the same frequency right now!
And you’re right. When we’re actually present, the real life stories practically write themselves. Who needs AI to brainstorm anything?
Thank you so much for taking the time.
Thank YOU!
I mean, 2006? You are the only non-Boomer I know who held out that long. I was already rockin' a Treo by 2005, which was an early smartphone made by Palm (of Palm Pilot). Most people thought I was a geek. I was not.
That's just to say, nicely done, Neela. 👏
Call me old-fashioned, but I'm still in the camp that it's rude to pull out one's phone in front of others, at least without excusing oneself. If we're at a table, it's probably best to step away too.
After all, nobody would do this with a newspaper when that was our main source of distraction in the wild.
A TREO! I haven't thought about those things in years.
You were absolutely a geek, Damon, let's not rewrite history here.
The Treo was peak geek-chic. Own it bro lol
Can you imagine someone in 1987 sitting at dinner, unfurling a full broadsheet newspaper in front of their date and just... reading? My mother would have whacked my dad on the head with it.
I had this connection annoy me to no end to do a Zoom chat with her. I finally caved, and we scheduled. I promise you, for the entire time she was texting on her phone while chatting with me, it was frustrating. I agree with you. It's rude. Those were the early days of social media and LinkedIn, and I learned some hard lessons.
I hope you are having a good week, Damon.
"... texting on her phone while chatting with me..."
Uh. That's a definite nope for me, dawg.
Once, while talking to my Mother, she was playing a video game. I was incredulous.
as you should be.
Yea, I learned to be more careful about those Zoom chats for sure